you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize