dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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