i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
