Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
