CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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