You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i wish my penis had a tongue
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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