Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
