if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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