i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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