i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
