The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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