She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize