did you get engaged???
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
