I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
