Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
