What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
its liver damage thursday
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
