i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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