Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize