got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She just used a chaser for red wine.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
