How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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