ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
