just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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