I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize