She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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