He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
