I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
