I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
