her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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