her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize