She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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