peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dicks are not precious.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
