I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
