worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
