Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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