The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
is that a dick in a sweater?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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