I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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