Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize