I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
