I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My day in three words: secret purse cake
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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