I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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