I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
