**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
