I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
