based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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