"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize