dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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