The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
