Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
