Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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