If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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