Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I smell like Dick and happiness
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
