Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
