Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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