Umm I'm too high to move.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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