i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
