I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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