I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
