He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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