Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
