so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
