Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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