i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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