Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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