Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
