I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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