i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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