Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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