I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
