Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
