I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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