Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
