He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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