don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize