but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
