I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
