Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize