dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
