dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
