did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize