My friends, they love my intelligence
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
