Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
