its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
