Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
