How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
