i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
